Scribblings

There are more than a thousand photos in that CD,
finally I checked them all out again today.
It was partly familiar, but mainly confusing.

I saw myself smiling next to you, here and there.
I remembered how much I felt,
But I know it is not the same anymore.

I am happy to know that you are having a new life with new people around you.
I know for a fact that our past will stay in the past.
And I heard our distance from our voices...

I walked out of that world 2 months ago.
Crumbled but survived.
Everything was shifted to the crazy life I got myself into.
Day after day, as if there is no tomorrow.

But today, the first time in the past two months,
Instead of out partying crazy,
I am sitting here writing my dairy on a Saturday evening.

Bailey's in my hand, gouda cheese by the side.
I feel calm.
After all those drama.

In 1 week, I will finish my life at GH.
In 3 weeks, I will be back in Europe again.
A bit nervous, but I know I will be just fine.
I am entering to another phase of my life.

I've learned so much about how short a life can be,
I really have no time to waste anymore.
Feeling beautiful, for no one.
Feeling happy, just by myself.

A woman's worth

That was quite an illusion, everything happened too fast.
You haven't even recap the whole story. It was ended.
Small fire was there, but intense wind blew it off.
Now, only left with regrets.

"Life in all its myriad complexity is a fucking bitch"
That's a quote I agreed with.

I promised, it will never happen again.
A woman should worth much more than a week.

Distance

The ache went away from me day after day.
Werid feeling is that I still remember the ache, just I can't feel the ache anymore.
It's so werid that I feel ... surreal.

I know it's still there, but it's also not there.
The more I do what I do now, the longer the distance it is from here to there.
You see, I still remember how painful that ache caused me.
But, I can't feel it anymore.

Stone of friendship

Madonna's song was on..
"Time goes by, so slowly... so slowly... so slowly"
We found ourselves on a roadtrip.
Just Bianca, Heather and I.
Everything was so spantenous, the plans and trips were decided within 36 hours.
From Taipei, we drove through Yi-lan, stayed in Hualien, before we headed down to Taitung for Green Island.

Bianca found a stone with 3 colors, black, yellow and white, in the gorge.
"Stone of friendship!!" she called out!
"3 colors like us!!" Heather followed.
We bounded right at the moment.
I am such a lucky person who is able to have friends like them.

The trip went great, non of us wanted it to end.
Madonna
Bien-shi
Ice-cream muah-chi
Stone of friendship
Tie of manhood
Flying cat
Vomitting on flying cat
Scooter on Green Island
3-hour bikini hotspring by the ocean, stared by everyone.
Sleeping talk
Heather's soon-immigrant cat
Saul as a last name
Europe trips
.......
so many, so many, so many ...

I am so lucky to have met you girls.
Guys left, but you stayed.
Girl power!
I love you!

Mother

Mother had a dream last night.
She ran into her boss on the street.

He asked: how's your daugther?
Mother said: she is talking about going away to study a PhD again, and before we even finish the discussion, she left.
He said: if she likes it that much, let her do what she likes.

Mother woke up with mixture feelings of sadness and happiness.
She went to check on me in my bedroom, just stayed there by my door.
Saw me sleeping quietly on my bed, covered in R's duvet.
Then she thought: thank god my daugther hasn't left yet.

Mother had a dream about me last night.
She always has sixth sense about my plans of leaving.
She called once at my worst time of life out of the blue,
when I had a bad panic attack and about to hurt myself.

She gave my life to me.
She then saved me.
She is my mother.