Angel

It was sudden when I realized that there's someone else standing next to me...
By my side, you see that curley messy hair with big blue eyes...
By my side, sense the greatest smile you can ever find...
The big white bear who was constantly chasing after me was fading,
For a second the bear flew into the sky, flew towards the outer space and I can't lie,
I was fine.

It was so unexpected and I just realized.
I have an angel now by my side.

Love Lost

Mr. L sent Miss B an email.
The emotion is so great that Miss B didn't know how to feel.

But mate, if you two are meant to be together, you will be together.
I still believe in that... can't give up on hope just because someone once left you an ugly scar.
Life goes on, that person moves on... even without you.
So,
Dry your eyes, darling.
Your life will go on and the best thing will show up.
____________________________________________________________________

I now realize in retrospection that I had the perfect girl and gave her up. Whether it was out of pure rationalization or merely stupidity I may never know. Love is not something that you can look at with a realist's perspective. It supersedes that which can be rationalized. Love must be approached with the idea that you will both make sacrifices in order to stay together. It should not be thought of as placing a constraint on the other's life, which it so often seems, but simply adding some new and exciting twist. I know that there is probably some sense of jealousy on my part, but this is not the reason for my desire to get back together.

I wake up thinking of this girl and I go to sleep dreaming of this girl. It pains me to think that I may never be with her again. Everything I see and hear reminds me of some distant memory and the excitement that she once brought to my life. A shirt she gave me our first Christmas together. The watch around my wrist. The scrolls that tower above the head of my bed. I even cuddle with the pillow she once gave me. I try not to think of her or our history together, but it is impossible.

If she is gone, I will forever remember her and what I gave up. I will wonder what life would have been like had I not made that one fateful decision. What would our kids have looked like? What would we have named them? Where would we have lived? What minuscule things would we fight about? And even the all important question of who would be crowned doop-master? Questions like these would remain on my mind throughout my life.

We may not have had the perfect relationship, but who does? If you are truly in love, you will make the adjustments to satisfy the other. I may have figured this part out too late. I still believe that were I given another chance, things would be different. I now understand how wonderful she was to have in my life and how much of an amazing person she truly is.

The thoughts in my head keep running. I will continue to go over what I did wrong and what I could have done differently. I will also remember the great time that we did spend together and wonder if I will ever have my love again…
____________________________________________________________________

When you lose something, you gain another.
Trust me.

Dry your eyes

On the train, The Streets' singing -
_________________________________________

In one single moment your whole life can turn around,
I stand there for a minute staring straight into the ground,
Lookin' to the left slightly, then looking back down.
World feels like it's caved in - proper sorry frown.

"Please let me show you where we could only just be, for us,
I can change and I can grow or we could adjust,
The wicked thing about us is we always have trust,
We can even have an open relationship, if you must."

I look at her she stares almost straight back at me,
But her eyes glaze over like she's looking straight through me.
Then her eyes must have closed for what seems an eternity,
When they open up she's looking down at her feet.

Dry your eyes mate,
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up.
There's plenty more fish in the sea.
Dry your eyes mate,
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts,
But you've got to walk away now.
It's over.

So then I move my hand up from down by my side,
It's shaking, my life is crashing before my eyes.
Turn the palm of my hand up to face the skies,
Touch the bottom of her chin and let out a sigh:

"Cause I can't imagine my life without you and me,
There's things I can't imagine doing, things I can't imagine seeing,
It weren't supposed to be easy, surely.
Please, please, I'm begging, please."

She brings her hands up towards where my hands rested,
She wraps her fingers round mine with the softness she's blessed with.
She peels away my fingers, looks at me and then gestures,
By pushing my hand away to my chest, from hers.

Dry your eyes mate,
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up.
There's plenty more fish in the sea.
Dry your eyes mate,
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts,
But you've got to walk away now.
It's over.

And I'm just standing there,
I can't say a word.
'Cause everythin's just gone.
I've got nothing.
Absolutely nothing.

Trying to pull her close out of bare desperation.
Put my arms around her trying to change what she's saying.
Pull my head level with hers so she might engage in,
Look into her eyes to make her listen again,

"I'm not gonna fucking, just fucking leave it all now.
'Cause you said it'd be forever and that was your vow.
And you're gonna let our things simply crash and fall down,
You're well out of order now, this is well out of town."

She pulls away, my arms are tightly clamped round her waist.
Gently pushes me back and she looks at me straight.
Turns around so she's now got her back to my face,
Takes one step forward, looks back, and then walks away.

Dry your eyes mate,
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up.
There's plenty more fish in the sea.
Dry your eyes mate,
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts,
But you've got to walk away now.
It's over.

I know in the past I've found it hard to say,
Telling you things, but not telling straight.
But the more I pull on your hand and say,
The more you pull away.

Dry your eyes mate,
I know it's hard to take but her mind has been made up.
There's plenty more fish in the sea.
Dry your eyes mate,
I know you want to make her see how much this pain hurts,
But you've got to walk away now.
___________________________________________

V: I feel that I will never be able to love anyone like I love him anymore.
E: There's always someone who is willing to love you, always.
V: They are not him. I don't love them.
E: But there is always another, always.
V: I feel that my world has finished.
E: No, your new world just began...with another...like always.
V: But he's the one for me, I know he's the only one for me.
E: Your eyes are dry now, darling, there's no such thing as only.

Lucia

Beautiful Lucia is from Alicante of Spain, a beautiful beach town. We befriended during my visit there.

She is a model and she is in films and commercials.
But one cannot feel at all her pride.
She's humble and she's wonderful.

Today, she touched my heart.

She named her band after my name.
And their first gig under my name will be presented this Saturday in Spain.

What a honor! I love her.